RubyBob RabbitPants: A Day Without Tears/Transcript


 * [Inside her house, Ruby is laying in bed snoring. Her foghorn alarm sounds and she wakes up immediately; then, she inhales deeply and sighs before opening her window curtains]
 * Ruby: Good morning, day! [walks to her closet, but accidentally stubs her toe] Ow! [falls over and looks at her swollen toe] I stubbed my toe! [cries profusely] I stubbed my toe! I was walking around and I stubbed my toe! [later, she walks into her closet and searches though a long line of identical flowers while humming; she picks one, but she accidently rips it] D'oh! That was my favorite flower! [cries; later, she appears at her breakfast table eating oatmeal while listening to the radio]
 * Radio DJ: And that was "Aja" by Steely Dan. Next up is Lionel Dishy with his hit, "Sad Song."
 * [The sad song begins to play along with Tiny Big's "Your So Lame" from WordGirl, and Ruby begins sobbing again.]
 * Ruby: That's a sad and very insulting song!
 * Garnet: [inside her house, wearing a robe and towel, while holding a cup of tea and a Danish] That Ruby is such a crybaby. Lucky me, I get to work with her all day. [takes a bite out of her Danish while Ruby continues to cry from inside her house; later, at the Strawberry Cafe, Ruby is selling strawberry cake while singing]
 * Jasper: [enters abruptly, startling Ruby, who accidentally throws the strawberry cake into the air] Ruby, guess what? [the strawberry cake lands on the ground] Yeah, I'll come back later. [goes back into his office, Ruby sadly picks the strawberry cake up by her hands and carries it to the trash can]
 * Ruby: She was a good little strawberry cake. [sniffles] I didn't know him well, but in the few short seconds between sugar and floor I... [opens the trash lid and begins crying] I came to love him! [Ruby drops the strawberry cake into the trash bin] It just isn't fair! [cries even louder, soaking and enraging Garnet from the counter window]
 * Garnet: Ruby, will you stop crying?!
 * Ruby: But the strawberry cake fell on the floor and he—
 * Garnet: Strawberry cake nothing! [Ruby tries to speak again, but Garnet angrily interrupts her very loudly] Strawberry cake nothing! [pants heavily, then Ruby whimpers with tears] What now?
 * Ruby: [stifled] You yelled at me! You yelled at me! [sobs even louder than before, continuing to soak Garnet with tears while Garnet gives herself a depressed look on her face, realizing yelling is only going to make matters worse]
 * Garnet: All right, look. So far today, and it's not even 2:00 yet, you have cried 43 times.
 * Ruby: And you wrote that number on a chalkboard.
 * Garnet: Yes!
 * Ruby: Why?
 * Garnet: [pauses for a second] I have no idea.
 * Ruby: Oh, Garnet, there's no way I cry that much. There's not that many tears in my brain.
 * Garnet: Au contraire. [turns on a TV]
 * Ruby: What's this?
 * Garnet: It's a quick montage of flashbacks I've edited together that shows the hundreds of tears you have cried over the years.
 * [the video begins to play, showing Ruby crying in the Strawberry Cafe, in a grocery store, at the Jewel Land Magic Academy, at the Sunshine Academy, in the bathroom, and more like near a bus stop for no reason, at a birthday party]
 * Ruby: [in the video] Boo! Hoo! Boohoo! Sob. Whimper.
 * Frenchy: Thousands of tears later...
 * [Ruby continues to watch herself crying in the video]
 * Ruby: Wow, guess I do cry a lot. I promise I won't cry anymore.
 * Garnet: Oh, nonsense! I bet you can't go the rest of the day without crying.
 * Ruby: [realizes something] Excuse me a minute. [walks up to a rotary telephone and dials it, Sapphie appears lazily sitting on her couch when her own phone rings]
 * Sapphie: [answers it] Sapphie speaking.
 * Ruby: Hey, Sapphie.
 * Sapphie: Hey, Ruby! Is it 7:30 already?
 * Ruby: No, I'm still at work.
 * Sapphie: How can I help you?
 * Ruby: Do you think that I could go the rest of the day without crying?
 * Sapphie: [mouth full with popcorn] Well, of course you can.
 * Ruby: Okay, great, thanks, Sapphie.
 * Sapphie: Umm... sure. And did you remember to put that package outside where I told you?
 * Ruby: Yeah, but I left it in a different spot. Just ask my partner Patty Rabbit, she knows where it is.
 * Sapphie: Oh, yeah. [laughs with her mouth full] Hey, good one, buddy. You almost had me there.
 * Ruby: [chuckles] Okay.
 * Sapphie: Yeah, talk to you later.
 * Ruby: All right, see ya. [hangs up, then walks back up to Garnet] Okay, it's a bet.
 * Garnet: [shakes Ruby's hand] Fine. If you cry one tear before midnight, you have to... [thinks] Wash Fanny Fox's bike, clean out her rain gutters, and do all her yard work for a year.
 * Ruby: Sounds fair to me. And if I make it to midnight without crying, you'll come to a slumber party at my place. Just you and me. [Garnet retches and swallows] Ooh, what's the matter?
 * Garnet: Um, nothing, I just threw up a little in my mouth. [begins talking in her thoughts] No need to worry, Squiddy. You've outdone yourself. She'll be crying in ten minutes. [laughs out loud; in the evening, he and Ruby are now walking home from work]
 * Ruby: Thanks again for walking home with me, Garnet.
 * Garnet: There's a first time for everything. [under her breath] Also, I'd like to win this bet as soon as possible. [chuckles devilishly]
 * Ruby: [speaking in her thoughts] I am not gonna cry. I am not gonna cry. [straining, she speaks out loud] I can do this!
 * Garnet: [smiling] Do what? [sees something and gasps] Oh, my! What a lovely sunset. Take a look, Ruby. [Ruby looks at the sunset and gasps] Isn't that beautiful?
 * Ruby: I've never seen such a beautiful underwater sunset.
 * Garnet: Really tugs the heartstrings, doesn't it?
 * Ruby: [gasps quietly in awe] It's... [the Jewel Land Choir drives by singing an angelic note, Garnet chuckles as Ruby's eyes begin to twinkle and water]
 * Garnet: Is that a tear I see? [the sunset disappears; Ruby snaps out]
 * Ruby: Oh, well, sunset's over. [walks off, Garnet scoffs in frustration]
 * [later, they both enter Ruby's house]
 * Ruby: Nice of you to drop in, neighbor.
 * Garnet: Nice of you to have me, I--[sees something] Oh, look Ruby. Your partner Patty Rabbit's sleeping.
 * [Patty Rabbit appears on some Hello Kitty blankets sleeping and snoring as she smiles cutely]
 * Ruby: [with her hands together, up to her mouth] Aww. She looks like an angel.
 * Garnet: That is just so adorable. Almost makes you want to cry.
 * [Patty Rabbit begins to drool in her sleep]
 * Ruby: Yeah... [snaps out of it] No! There shall be no tears in this house tonight! [walks off into the kitchen, singing a song]
 * [the mail comes in through the mail slot in Ruby's door]
 * Garnet: Oh, Ruby.
 * Ruby: [pouring drinks] Yes?
 * Garnet: Your mail's here. Ooh, oh look, it's a postcard from two of our friends Cure Black and Cure White who are visiting so far away.
 * Ruby: [turns around] Cure Black and Cure White?
 * Garnet: [reading the postcard] "Dear Ruby, we are having a wonderful time in the Jewel Land Tropics and we miss you and your friends very, very much.
 * Ruby: [teary-eyed at first] Ohh... [grabs another postcard; snaps out] My subscription to Sanrio Monthly's expired. Remind me to renew that, will you, Garnet?
 * Garnet: [with spite] No problem.
 * [Later on, Ruby and Garnet sit on the couch watching the news]
 * Anchor Wolf Jewelpet: Welcome back to Jewel Land World News. Our top story tonight: a series of sad tales.
 * Garnet: Ooh, let's turn it up.
 * Anchor Wolf Jewelpet: Tragedy in the park when a young cat Jewelpet caught in a tree almost didn't get down.
 * Petey: [stuck on a coral tree branch] Meow.
 * [Ruby gasps and gets ready to cry]
 * Anchor Wolf Jewelpet: However, she did get down.
 * Ruby: [raising her arms; happily] Hooray!
 * Anchor Wolf Jewelpet: Coming up, an interview with a lioness Jewelpet who didn't get what she wanted for her birthday.
 * Ruby: [sad again] Oh, no.
 * Anchor Wolf Jewelpet: And finally, sad news for Maple Town fans.
 * [Garnet excitedly raises up the volume]
 * Ruby: [voice breaks] What, what, what?
 * Anchor Wolf Jewelpet: They will only be showing Maple Town Pretty Cure ten times a day instead of twelve—
 * Ruby: [sweating, changes the channel] Let's watch something else Garnet, okay?!
 * Garnet: Fine!
 * [the channel changes to a show where a dad fish is walking out of her house for work while a kid fish plays with a baseball in the yard]
 * Kid Fish: Hey, Dad, how about a game of catch? [throws the baseball in front of her bored dad]
 * Unnamed father: Sorry, son, I'm late for work.
 * Kid Fish: [disappointingly] Okay, Dad. [her dad throws the baseball back]
 * Unnamed father: [tosses her briefcase] I guess I can stay for a few throws.
 * Kid Fish: [teary-eyed] I love you, Dad.
 * Unnamed father: [teary-eyed] I love you, son.
 * [the show ends with the two happily playing catch, Ruby turns the TV off and madly throws it out of her window screaming in anger, then walks back to the couch panting]
 * Ruby: [to Garnet] You know what they say about that television. Rots the brain.
 * Sapphie: [from outside] Hey, thanks for the TV, Ruby! [carries the broken-up TV set on her head] I'm gonna watch it all night! [runs into her house with it. Ruby and Garnet awkwardly stare at each other, Garnet glances at the cuckoo clock, which says 8:41, then speaks in her thoughts]
 * Garnet: It's getting late. I'd better bring out the big guns. [out loud] Oh, Ruby.
 * Ruby: Yes, Garnet?
 * Garnet: What would you say to a little music? [pulls out her clarinet]
 * Ruby: [gasps happily] I'd say... I'll go get some refreshments. [walks off]
 * Garnet: Don't be long. My secret weapon is waiting. [gets out sheet music titled "Hearts & Flowers (or Some Such Sad Song)," then chuckles]
 * Ruby: [appears, holding a tray of tea] You said something, Garnet?
 * Garnet: Oh, I just said, "Relax and enjoy the song." [begins playing the such sad song on her clarinet, Ruby goes stifled, trying to fight back tears, Garnet strains hard playing the last single note, then pants]
 * Ruby: That's a really sad song, Garnet.
 * Garnet: You're not gonna cry though, are you?
 * Ruby: No. [Garnet growls, the scallop cuckoo clock then chirps 9:00] Time really does fly when you're having fun. Well, I'd better start getting ready for bed. [starts to put the tray of tea down]
 * Garnet: [nervously] Uh, Ruby. No-no-no-no, wait.
 * Ruby: Yes, Garnet?
 * Garnet: How about a bedtime story?
 * Ruby: Now you're talking! [later in her room, he lays in bed with Garnet] Whatcha gonna read me, Garnet?
 * Garnet: Umm... [nervously searches through the pages] How 'bout The Little Angler Who Got Lost?
 * Ruby: That sounds like a very sad story.
 * Garnet: Oh, very sad. Umm... "There once was a little angler [the page she's reading is actually of the story Jack and Jill] who was, uh, little and sad. [Ruby whimpers] One day the little sad angler was walking through the park. [Ruby begins to chuckle with joy]
 * Ruby: Walking...
 * Garnet: But, he was sad, because...because he was lost... he was lost and very sad. And then, he... he started to cry! [Ruby begins to choke up] He cried, and he cried, and he cried even more [Ruby strains and fights back the tears] And he kept crying and crying and crying and crying and... that's right. You can do it.
 * Ruby: [struggling not to] I'm wondering if it might not be so healthy to hold in all my tears, Garnet.
 * Garnet: You're exactly right, Ruby. Let it all out. Don't fight the feel... [the second hand on the clock ticks closer to midnight] Ten, nine... do it, do it, cry... eight, seven, six, five... come on! [Ruby strains; the dam inside Ruby's brain begins to crack] ...four, three, two, one! [the dam breaks, and a river of tears begins to rush out] Midnight! [sighs, Ruby's body is turning wide] Well, Ruby, it looks like you won the...
 * [Ruby's eyes burst with tears, shooting a flood towards Garnet and smacking her against the wall. The tears shoot out the windows, door crack, chimney, and other holes in her house. They spread to Sapphie's house, causing an entire river inside]
 * Sapphie: Wow, what a great show.
 * [The tears flood the Strawberry Cafe]
 * Jasper: [standing on his desk, holding a fat stack of money away from the tears] Well, at least we're still together, little ones.
 * [The Jewel Land Choir drives through the flood holding the angelic note; at Ruby's house, the tears continue to spray into Garnet's face, then stop; the cuckoo scallop hits him on the head. Now, Ruby and Garnet sit in front of the TV]
 * Ruby: [holds out a bowl of popcorn] More popcorn, Garnet?
 * Garnet: No, no. No, no. Please.
 * Ruby: [eating popcorn] Don't be shy now. I made extra. [Garnet begins to whimper, Ruby rubs her shoulders] That's all right, let it out. You can cry all you want. You're among friends here.
 * [Garnet whimpers even harder then starts bawling hysterically]