RubyBob RabbitPants: Snowball Effect/Transcript


 * [The episode begins with live-action footage of icebergs appearing.]
 * French Narrator: Ah, observe the majesty of the mighty iceberg. [scene fades to a block of ice falling into the water] This frozen giant, normally found floating in polar regions, can sometimes [Bikini Bottom Atoll is shown] stray into warmer waters, causing dramatic changes in climate [An iceberg floats next to the island. The scene changes to show a wide shot of Bikini Bottom. Snow is shown falling] for tropical, undersea life.
 * [It starts to snow harder. Eventually, Bikini Bottom is blanketed in show. The Realistic Fish Head appears wearing a snow hat.]
 * Realistic Fish Head: Yes, it seems Old Man Winter paid us a visit late last night, and he brought with him not a pillow or a sheet, [A street in downtown Bikini Bottom is shown.] but a blanket... a blanket of snow! [Jellyfish Fields and its sign are shown covered in snow.] Yes, from Jellyfish Fields... [A jellyfish floats by. The scene changes to show Jasper's house.] to residential abodes... [The scene changes to show a traffic light changing from "go" to "stop," then back to "go."] to bustling downtown... [Ruby's pineapple is shown.] it's nothing but the white stuff.
 * [The scene shows a close up shot of Ruby's door. Ruby opens it and he and Gary are shown.]
 * Ruby: Whoopee!
 * Johnny Elaine: And local residents are taking notice! [Ruby and Gary put on their Santa hats.]
 * [The scene pans through Jimmy Gus making a snow fish, a snow whale, two kids making a snow mermaid, and Jasper making a snow dollar. The scene changes to show Mrs. Puff walking to her car. She puffs up and blows the snow off. She gets in and drives past the snow that was previously on her car. Nephrite pops out and shakes his fist"]
 * Nephrite: Hey!
 * [A wide shot of Dian's Hideout is shown. A close shot of the doors is shown. Dian opens the door.]
 * Dian: [walks outside his Hideout] What's this? Drops of rain frozen into ice crystals? I shall harness their energy and rule the world! [laughs evilly, but a bunch of snow falls on top of him.] Ahh... oh, stop! I wish to rule you! [he is now buried in snow.]
 * [The scene changes to show Sapphie. He has an idea.]
 * Sapphie: Snow angel! [laughs while on the ground flapping her arms and legs. She stands up. She looks behind her to see a circle.] Oh... [a snowball hits her in the side of the head] Hey! [Ruby whistles] Thanks a lot, Ruby! While you were just standing there whistling, someone threw a snowball at me!
 * Ruby: Oh, really, Sapphie? [giggles] Did the snowball look like this? [throws another snowball. This one hitting Sapphie's eyes]
 * Sapphie: Yeah. [Ruby laughs. Sapphie runs over to Ruby] This is serious, Ruby. Someone's after me. I think I better leave town.
 * Ruby: Sapphie, I threw it. We're having a snowball fight. Don't you get it?
 * Sapphie: Snowball fight? I want to play! I want to play!
 * Ruby: Well, first, you have to make a snowball.
 * Sapphie: Oh, yeah. A snowball. [bends down and starts making a snowball] Oh, this is gonna be great! [shows her snowball but it's a cube] Huh? [tries making another snowball but it's a rectangular pyramid] Wha...? [tries making another snowball but it forms in the shape of DNA] Aw...! Ruby, can you help me make a snowball?
 * Ruby: Sure, pal. [makes a snowball and hands it to Sapphie]
 * Sapphie: Thanks, Ruby. [throws it at Ruby]
 * Ruby: Sapphie! How could you?
 * Sapphie: It's a snowball fight, remember?
 * Ruby: Oh, yeah. [they stare at each other then run back to their forts they made out of snow. They start to throw lots of snowballs at each other. Scene pans up then cuts to inside of Garnet's house where Garnet is sitting by the fire with slippers on her feet]
 * Garnet: Ah, yes. Warm fire, cozy slippers, and a piping hot cup of tea with a lemon wedge. [picks up the lemon wedge, then squirts lemon juice in her eye, which is now twitching] Why do I even bother? [Banging is heard outside. She looks outside to see Ruby and Sapphie building snow forts as we hear construction noises] Would you two please keep it down?!
 * Ruby: Garnet! You're just in time to enlist in my army! Join me, and together we'll defeat the Blue Menace!
 * Sapphie: That's me!
 * Ruby: I can start you off as a buck private, but with hard work, perhaps you can rise through the ranks and become a regular private!
 * Garnet: Thanks, but no, thanks, Major Stupidity. You and General Nonsense over there will have to fight without me. [snickers] Got 'em Both. [notices a snowball flying at her, so he ducks. The snowball puts out her fire] Grr! [closes the window]
 * Ruby: Sapphie, you fool! This was over before it started! I will now consider your unconditional surren-... [a snowball hits her in the face, sending her into the snow. She then drowns in it] ...-der. [Sapphie laughs hysterically] So that's how she wants it to go down. [takes off her Santa hat, revealing a funnel under it. Scoops up snow in the funnel and puts it on the bottom of a machine gun. She jumps up on her fort, takes a deep breath, and starts shooting snowballs at Sapphie very fast]
 * Sapphie: Huh? [as snowballs pile on her. She then stands up, revealing a bunch of snowballs lined up on her forehead] Ha! You missed me! [Ruby shoots more snow into Sapphie's mouth. Slow motion occurs then resumes to normal speed. Sapphie swallows the snowballs and blows out cold breath. A gun cocks and Ruby fires more snowballs and this time the snowballs get stuck in his mouth]
 * Ruby: Score one for the kids back home! [Sapphie walks up to Garnet's house and knocks on her door]
 * Garnet: Yes? Oh, Sapphie. [Sapphie is still choking] What an unpleasant surprise. Oh, boy, nothing like a game of charades. [Sapphie swallows the snowballs]
 * Sapphie: [in one breath] I was trying to tell you that I was choking on snow, but the snow melted and turned into water, and I drank all the water, now I'm better.
 * Garnet: Fascinating. [slams the door] Now, where was I? [Sapphie knocks on the door again] What?
 * Sapphie: [dancing around] Can I use your bathroom?
 * Garnet: Sapphie, go use your own bathroom.
 * Sapphie: I don't think I can make it! Please?
 * Garnet: No.
 * Sapphie: Please?
 * Garnet: No.
 * Sapphie: Please?
 * Garnet: No.
 * Sapphie: Please!
 * Garnet: Okay, make it quick.
 * Sapphie: [pause] That's okay. [Garnet widens his eyes]
 * Ruby: Aha! Aiding the enemy! I've caught you red-handed, Garnet!
 * Garnet: Look, Ruby, I was just... [Ruby throws a snowball at Garnet but she ducks and it lands in her fire again, putting it out] Ruby! Oh... [picks up a snowball. Ruby shrieks]
 * Sapphie: Yay! Garnet's on my side!
 * Garnet: I most certainly am not!
 * Ruby: Then that means she's on my side!
 * Garnet: No, Ruby, I'm not on your side either. I'm on nobody's side. Snowball fights are for immature children and I will not stoop to your level. [drops the snowball] If you two want to knock each other's brains out with snowballs, kindly leave me out of it. [walks back inside and slams the door]
 * Sapphie: Come on, Ruby, let's go knock each other's brains out!
 * Ruby: I'm ready!
 * Garnet: Hmm... [imagines Sapphie throwing a snowball at Ruby, knocking her brain out]
 * Ruby: Okay, Sapphie, it's out.
 * Garnet: [snickers] Now there's something I'd actually like to see! [takes a chair up to one of her windows] Nothing wrong with getting a front-row seat, I suppose. [snickers, takes a deep breath, and sighs] What's this? [Ruby and Sapphie are shaking hands] Wha... I... no! [walks back outside] What are you doing? You're supposed to be [punches the right side of his head] knocking each other's brains out!
 * Ruby: We signed a peace treaty, Garnet. [Sapphie shows treaty] You were right, fighting is for children.
 * Garnet: No, no, no, I misled you, it's for adults too! Give me that peace treaty! [rips the treaty into pieces] There! Let the war continue!
 * Ruby: Garnet, that wasn't the peace treaty. That was a copy of the peace treaty.
 * Garnet: Look, you two are giving up too easily. Now, Sapphie, pretend I'm Ruby.
 * Sapphie: And who am I?
 * Garnet: You're Sapphie.
 * Ruby: Can I be Jasper?
 * Garnet: No! Wait, why?
 * Ruby: He's a good leader.
 * Garnet: Would you butt out?!
 * Sapphie: Hey, you can't talk to Jasper like that, Garnet!
 * Garnet: I'm Ruby! You're Sapphie! [throws a snowball at Sapphie's eyes] Now, what are you going to do? [Sapphie throws it back at Garnet hitting his eyes] Sapphie, why didn't you hit Ruby?
 * Sapphie: You said you were Ruby, Ruby.
 * Ruby: [imitating Jasper] Argh! It's true, Mrs. Garnet! Now get back to work! [laughs in her regular voice]
 * Garnet: [silently] Oh, boy. All right, I can see where this is going. Let's just say for all intents and purposes that I, Garnet, am now part in this war. Now...
 * Ruby: If you're in this war, then where's your fort?
 * Garnet: I don't have one, okay? Now...
 * Sapphie: You got to have a fort, Garnet.
 * Ruby: Forts win wars, Garnet.
 * Garnet: [growls] Okay, fine! You want a fort? [makes a small snow fort] There. There's your fort! Now...
 * Sapphie: Your fort's too small, Garnet.
 * Garnet: It's okay, Sapphie. It's just a demonstration. Now...
 * Ruby: He's right, Garnet. That thing would never protect you. It's downright puny.
 * Garnet: Trust me, it's fine. [Sapphie throws a snowball at Garnet. He wipes the snow off his face]
 * Ruby: See, it is too small.
 * Garnet: Not if I crouch down. I mean, you didn't even give me a chance to crouch down. [crouches down] See? Down here, I am perfectly... [Sapphie throws a snowball at Garnet]
 * Ruby: Exposed.
 * Garnet: Would you two please... [Sapphie throws a snowball at Garnet] ...stop throwing... [Sapphie throws another snowball at Garnet] ...snowballs?! [Sapphie pauses and throws another snowball at Garnet. Garnet growls and retaliates with a snowball of her own but it puts out her fireplace yet again]
 * Ruby: [gasps] Garnet returned fire!
 * Sapphie: Then it's war!
 * Garnet: No-no... no, wait, wait, wait! [crouches down behind his snow fort] I was just giving a demonstration! [Ruby and Sapphie throw lots of snowballs at Garnet. Garnet ends up looking like a snowman from all the snowballs that hit her. A hat then falls on her head. She then growls and breaks out of the snowman] All right, that's it! You guys asked for it! [throws a snowball at Ruby] I got him! Ha! I got him! [laughs] In your face, Ruby! [laughs] This was actually kind of... exciting! Why... I've never felt so alive!
 * Sapphie: [laughs] He got you good, Ruby! [Garnet throws a snowball at Sapphie and then throws lots of snowballs at Ruby and Sapphie] Take cover! [they crouch down as Garnet continues to throw snowballs]
 * Garnet: [as he throws snowballs and laughs] Take that... I got you... Yeah... oh, I got you... oh, take that... Whoa, I got you that time... Oh, yeah... [starts to throw snowballs rapidly] Incoming! [Ruby peeps up and Sapphie approaches her, showing her pink winter hat frozen]
 * Sapphie: Hey, Ruby?
 * Ruby: Yes, Sapphie?
 * Sapphie: I think Garnet's taking this really seriously. [Garnet's clarinet is wedged in Sapphie's forehead] That last one had his clarinet in it.
 * Ruby: Hmm... looks like it's time for Plan B. [they both tiptoe away while Garnet continues to throw snowballs. She eventually stops and pants]
 * Garnet: What's going on? The snowballs have stopped falling. I better take advantage of this momentary cease-fire. [notices her fort is a little lopsided and gasps] What? My left flank is exposed? That bloated starfish is gonna run right through me! [grabs more snow and pats it down] I'll just fix that right now. [laughs] Wait, that makes my north wall a weak spot! Here we go! Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. [grabs more snow and pats some more on the north side] Oh, oh, oh! But if they attack from the rear, I'm a goner! [pats snow on the back of the fort] There... Ha-ha! [gasps] But what about the possibility of an aerial attack?! [starts digging more snow on her fort. Scene cuts to a few seconds later where Garnet has a gigantic fort, near the top of the tree] I guess that ought to do it! [laughs wildly] Fort Garnet is now all but impenetrable! [laughs more] Now, where are those fools? [snow falls on Garnet's head] Ha! The first shot has been fired! [throws a snowball while more snow falls on his head] Take this, Sapphie! [throws another snowball as more snow falls on Garnet] Taste my frozen fury! [throws two snowballs. Zooms out to show the snow from a tree is falling on Garnet's head] Victory is mine! [laughs wildly] Whee! Ha-ha! Well, I got you now! [keeps throwing snowballs while Ruby and Sapphie are watching TV and sipping some cocoa]
 * Ruby: Did you hear something, Sapphie?
 * Sapphie: Nope.
 * Man on TV: Get out the snowshoes and the shovels.